THE VAULTS, SOUTHSEA

June 2024. Southsea.

A sunny Sunday evening in Portsmouth as I got the ticking done while the Old Folk (not Mrs RM) had an early night.

Good to see Pompey getting down wiv the kidz with a cutting edge musical line up this year, though the Southworths may be surprised by Mr Zimmerman’s latest name change (he was sued by the makers of The Magic Roundabout).

Of that lot I’d probably still opt for Joe Jackson; born in Burton, raised in Portsmouth, living in Berlin. CAMRA member, pro-smoking, decent songsmith.

I digress. A walk from The Hard past grim Pompey central towards Southsea,

which as usual I barely recognise. If I had to name one UK city I struggle to get to grips with it’s Portsmouth. On this mile walk east I don’t see a single one of the two dozen GBG ticks I must have done over the years, and the newbie Vaults immediately feels like I’ve been here before.

That’s because it feels almost identical to the Merchant House a few pubs further along,

another cosy enough pub with separate cask (Fuller’s) and craft bars, forcing the lovely barperson to move between the two.

Just like Cameron on Big Brother, I ask myself “What Would Stafford Paul Do ?”.

Actually, Paul would have seen if the Pride was drinking well, but in a near empty pub I doubted that and went for the more reliable 7% Summer Jam from Phantom of Reading, mysteriously labelled “Hop Punk” on the rainbow board.

This was definitely the night to enjoy your murk on a table on Albert Road, eavesdropping on drunken conversation about stolen Scotch eggs,

even though Simon may be more drawn to the interior.

The Phantom IPA was gorgeous. It seems the higher the ABV the less carbonated your craft. Someone should do some research on that.

But even so, I now felt ready for a return to some proper beer.

Published by retiredmartin

Retired NHS, doing long walks around UK and the world to record the great bits. Focused on Good Beer Guide pubs and live music.

9 thoughts on “THE VAULTS, SOUTHSEA”

  1. “What Would Stafford Paul Do ?”.

    Yes I “would have seen if the Pride was drinking well”.

    And I would have gone to the Golden Eagle to see if the hop plant I sent them a few years ago is growing well.

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  2. Ah, those live Untappd screens. I was once in a place that had one and, after tapping a beer in, I had the misfortune to have the world’s second most boring bloke come up to me, ask if I was Bobby Mango and tell me why I should have this “awesome” milkshake IPA – a style for which I have nothing but apathy – as he reckoned it was the best beer he’d ever had. I tried to politely explain that I had no interest and that I’d likely be having something else instead, but he wouldn’t have it. In the end I had to tell him to eff off.

    These days, if I see one of those screens, I wait until I either leave or pop outside for a smoke before tapping in.

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      1. New place in town, The Antelope, has one. Might go some way to explaining why I’ve only been in once. That, and their opening hours.

        Oh, and if you were wondering about whether it’s a pre-emptive or not. It’s not. 10 keg lines for all your hazy IPA and kettle sour desires but nothing warm, flat and twiggy. Which might be a third reason I’ve not been back yet 🙂

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      1. Not with me they’re not, Paul. Although I am starting to see the appeal… pity there aren’t any round these here parts!

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