On the upside, nabbing that title means BRAPA can’t use it. If he already has, I regret nothing.

On the downside, it raises expectations I’ve no chance of meeting. For goodness sake, it’s Ealing, not Ely !

I suppose the Nude coffee at South Ealing is titillating in its way* ?


Never mind, here’s a sexy book you should buy.


It accompanied me on the journey to West Ealing via King’s Cross and Paddington, where I somehow resisted the Fullers station bar (joking).

Er, wow

In 90 minutes travel I managed all of six pages**. I blame this pace on the laughing guy in my free video who would not stop talking about golf;

West Ealing. Quite a straight run to be fair.

West Ealing

Lacking the high jinks of Hanwell and the anarchy of Acton, Ealing survives by being competent. Competent turrets, espresso and Fullers.

West Ealing
Dracula’s Castle

As Si reminded me, Drayton Court looks a bit like a certain castle in Transylvania, the next big craft beer boom town in Romania.

Scary Fullers

It’s a vast rambling place, and it takes me five minutes to reach the bar (five seconds if you enter through the right door).

DON’T go up the stairs

To the left is a function room with a circle of social workers, to the fright a bar dominated by a warning bell to be pressed as BRAPA approaches (only 3 days after my visit).

Tell-tale Fullers paper menus

One lady hid by the fire,


and two smokers sneaking out from the office enjoyed the “spectacular” views from the garden, the best in Ealing.

Plenty of beer tipping potential, anyway

Hands up who’s bored of canine beer ?

Can’t be any worse, and served flat

As greetings at the bar go,

How’s Wednesday going for you ?” is up there with “areet boss ?”

He was chatty enough, and served a cool, dull half of Pride (NBSS 3) that would have had the visitor scampering back to “Coming Soon”.

No Pride in Pride

A nervous lady popped in and tentatively asked about the possibility of getting a partial refund on the cost of some folk who had failed to turn up for the works Christmas party.

I enjoy this sort of impromptu pub theatre. The audience (me) are encouraged the shout the odds to the lady while she waits for the manager. “No chance love”, “Tenner at best” etc etc.

Just a reminder. Christmas parties are not a legal requirement. Avoiding them by retiring was the best decision I ever took.

Next. Brentford. And this lovely.

*I should really leave this stuff to Duncan.

**For context, Moby Dick took me 7 years to finish.

16 thoughts on “SEXUAL EALING

  1. “I somehow resisted the Fullers station bar (joking)” – I think the Parcel Yard and Mad Bear and Bishop are much nicer than their latest Signal Box.

    ” “No chance love”, “Tenner at best” etc etc.” – No, you should have been helpful with “It’s okay, I’ll eat their Christmas dinners for them”.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Etu,
      But it’s ‘A Little More Conversation A Little Less Acton Please’ in Humphrey’s pubs.
      Does anyone else remember “A Little More Conversation” from 1973 ?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. “Avoiding them by retiring was the best decision I ever took.”

    Unfortunately Martin, not all of us can afford that luxury!


      1. Stafford Paul, my wife has taken Glucosamine in the past, but being the caring husband, I’m not sure what she’s taking now! 😁

        All joking aside, she’s keen to stick with more natural remedies for as long as possible, rather than go down the prescription drug route.


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