Forgive me if this post is incoherent; I overdid the many joys of the Isle of Wight yesterday, and I have the joy of an afternoon with BRAPA later. Pray for me.
A rather less eventful trip to Eastleigh, apparently the 9th best place to live in the UK. Which just shows some folk have an odd idea of “living“.
I stayed here a few times before starting this blog. It’s on the doorstep of Southampton Airport (flights to Guernsey), and has a bargain Travelodge with a lively Spoons next door.
But despite being cheap, and having one of those ambitious Non-League teams we loathe (think Billericay), it’s a modest place, and as a railway town it felt more like Crewe or Crawley than Chichester or Canterbury.
It’s never had a Proper Pub in the Guide in my GBG life, so only to be expected that the newbie is a brewery tap.
I had 20 minutes to opening, plenty of time to bring you an Eastleigh highlights package. Starting with the view from the railway bridge.
You’ll be disappointed to learn I didn’t have time to visit “Benny Hill Close“, inspiration for my blog title. But here’s a statue of some bloke. Probably BRAPA.
The folk are all cheery, and the string of old arcades sell things people want.
Plenty of Proper Cafes,
fewer Proper Pubs.
There’s a modern entertainment complex, but it’s the brutalism you come for.
Odd town. It feels a bit like Frinton-on-Sea without the on-Sea but with added industrial estates and multi-storey car parks.
Very under-pubbed, so Steam Town must be a real boon to the town.
“This must be a real boon to the town” I ventured to the cheery barmaid by way of polite conversation.
“Oh yes ! It is.” I love enthusiasm, and she was very enthusiastic.
“Would you like to see the brewery ?” Steady on now.
No, I wouldn’t. But I did express my admiration for the seating nicked out of the 11:32 to Poole. I like it, even if you don’t.
Hard to judge at 11:01 when you’re the only customer (what do people in Eastleigh do in the morning ?), but I liked the styling a lot. Nothing on the cheap here.
And if a Cornish Orchards keg tap on a white porcelain wall is sometimes a sign of mainstream craft, there was plenty to attract the Coldwells too.
Sadly, the jukebox didn’t have “Fastest Milkman in the West“, but Eric B & Rakim’s “Paid in Full” was local enough.
Their homebrew was unexpectedly good; cool, fruit and chewy in the Hampshire tradition (think Flowerpots). An easy NBSS 3.5+.
Just time to sink two flat whites in the Spoons and I was off, praying there’d be a working loo on the train.
retiredmartin 
The “Proper seating” looks First Class.
But why a “QUIET PLEASE” notice above the piano ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
You answered your own question, Paul.
LikeLike
But then again, Paolo might show up…
LikeLike
Ah, the ordeals that you have to go through to bring the gospel to the country. Not all bad though, a proper caf is a rare sight in many towns these days.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Had some of that whisky cider when I was in the smoke a couple of weeks ago,
Very tasty indeed.
LikeLike
Why do ‘We’ loathe ambitious non league teams? Surely they are the grass roots from which vigorous shoots of new grow?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed.
For a number of years I covered the Northern Premier League following the fortunes of Morecambe FC ( ” Save Our Shrimps ” ).I used to share a press box with an ageing scribbler called Dick Quick.
There was just as much passion,heartache,romance and humour as the Premier League but with added blood and guts.
I happened to catch that Salford City documentary on Irish telly last night and I was delighted to see Gary Neville,who I’d previously thought of as the dullest man on God’s earth,show passion and anger about the fortunes of a bunch of clod-hoppers.
LikeLike
One-time club chairman Harry Baines was a local butcher and naturally he had the pie concession.He’d deliver a tray of them just before kick-off and then adjourn to the boardroom for a large whisky still wearing his blood-stained butcher’s apron.
Sometime when the action was really boring Dick Quick and I used to gamble pennies on who would win the next free kick – this was decades before people like Paddy Power came up with that idea.
We once got drawn against Staines in the FA Cup and I was praying that Morecambe would lose just so I could use the headline I’d already dreamed up – and they did thankfully.
” Staines leave their mark. ”
Happy days.
LikeLiked by 1 person
But was the FC the best thing about Morecambe ?
LikeLike
Nope.
Stafford Mudgie’s favourite,Melitta the topless dancer from the Moulin Rouge was the best thing about Morecambe.
Our brief but passionate love affair soared like a supernova until she returned to Paris – it’s probably why I’ve hated the French ever since.
Morecambe FC were mostly rubbish when I was there but they’re doing ok these days.
LikeLike
“Take back control” – yes, control of our Scammel wheel nuts !
LikeLike
Surely you know how much I detest football clubs achieving success on speculative investment, Richard ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Like it or not, success at football is 95% down to money.
LikeLike
Uppity non-league teams. Can’t stand them. Even when they get in the league they’re always harping on about clubs with bigger budgets only doing well because of big money.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Colne Dynamoes anyone ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Non-league teams with speculative investment seem to come a dramatic end e.g. Rushden, Histon.
LikeLike
Best pub seats ever. Look forward to doing that one. The seats in the micro at High Spen have been made from old railway sleepers and other salvaged materials but so well done you wouldn’t know it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Interesting. A few micros make a particular effort. Simon and I were in the Sixpenny Tap in Cranborne this evening and it really shone. Very colourful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good place- much better than many brewery taps. More like a pub despite its location.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, it felt like a modern bar, hardly noticed the brewery. High quality place (and an 11am opener !).
LikeLiked by 1 person
Did Duncan or Martin ever encounter the former coach seats in the legendary Hop Pole at Risbury in Herefordshire?
LikeLike
– that only live on in Northern’s Nodding Donkeys !
LikeLike
No, those are bus seats. These were deep-upholstered coach seats, although I think some of the springs may have gone. Talking of the Hop Pole, when I looked it up on Google I was saddened to see this report, which I believe was the former licensee. It certainly looked like him. I thought he resembled the children’s cartoon character Nutty Noah.
LikeLike
Confusing coach seats with bus seats – that’s what comes with old age.
LikeLike
Surely wetting the seats is what comes with old age … ?
LikeLike
I’m old but not that old.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Not if you’re Michael Heseltine.
LikeLike
Sorry, yes, unless you’re anybody.
LikeLike
Duncan may have; when I got there in 1997 (sticks in the memory) the place was a absolute tip, on its last legs. An experience though.
LikeLike
There’s a reason that the beer is not dissimilar to Flowerpots. The brewer used to work for them. Never had a bad one of theirs.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Good grief. That was a a wild guess, but it makes me seem like a beer sommelier or something. It was very tasty.
LikeLiked by 2 people
You must have got your hopes up when you saw the exterior of the Mobility Plus. “Heavens, this must be one of the best micros in the whole country!” 😉
LikeLiked by 2 people
“Pray for me.”
Send him the wrong way to the loos again. That will give you a respite. 🙂
“I stayed here a few times before starting this blog.”
I particularly like Fleming Park and Decoy Covert on the OS map. One’s where a bunch of spies hang out and the other is where everyone thinks the spies hang out. 😉
“and having one of those ambitious Non-League teams”
But not too ambitious as who would want to leave the Vanarama?
“Starting with the view from the railway bridge.”
Hard to keep ‘track’ of everything going on in that photo. 🙂
“You’ll be disappointed to learn I didn’t have time to visit “Benny Hill Close“, ”
Really? It’s pretty ‘close’ to the Travelodge. You should have ripped the dress off of some random woman and then she could have chased you all the way there, in memoriam.
“and the string of old arcades sell things people want.”
I see Mobility Plus sells ‘wetrooms’. That accounts for Fleming Park when you think about it.
“fewer Proper Pubs.”
With a name like Spitfire they should have tried to at least open up on Sopwith Road, a half mile east. 🙂
“But I did express my admiration for the seating nicked out of the 11:32 to Poole.”
Takes me back to my Club 747 days in Buffalo, NY. Airline seats, waitresses dressed as stewardesses (wearing very short skirts and their knickers over top of their hose) and on Thursdays (I think) it was a flat rate from 9pm till 4am for all you could drink.
“Yeovil straws”
Crikey! They’re starting to ban those over here.
“I can see the piano but I can’t read the blackboard”
Definitely time for a proper wash and scrub.
“Just time to sink two flat whites in the Spoons”
For a second there I thought you were playing pool. 🙂
Cheers
LikeLike
Argh. The above was me (though most would have guessed that I’m sure). 🙂
My browser seems to have deleted my details, on this and the most of the other blogs I follow over here. (grrr)
LikeLike
I can confidently say you spent longer researching this comment than I spent researching Eastleigh !
LikeLike
It’s not your browser Russ. Something seems to have changed with the comment settings on these blog pages, or maybe with the cookies?
LikeLike
Now we’re all “Anonymous” imagine the fun we could have commenting in the style of someone else !!
LikeLike
I’d recognise the Archbishop of Southwark just from that line.
LikeLike
Not quite.
The Bishop of Southwark, the Arches being very nearby in Bermondsey,
B of S.
LikeLike
Rail carriage seating seems to be traditional in Dorsetshire pubs. The Avon Causeway (Ringwood) had 6-seat compartments, complete with sliding doors, maybe they still have…
I have photos somewhere, but they’re populated by a crowd of very drunk Midlanders attempting the Guinness-Shandy-Challenge, so not suitable for a place like this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
But why just seats ?
At the Spot Gate Inn ten miles from me “A big attraction is two interwar Pullman railway carriages (No. 75, Third Class Open, and Ursula, First Class Dining) built in 1928 and installed on site by Ind Coope in 1968 upon withdrawal from British Rail service. Lots of photos of their installation together with other railway memorabilia are displayed”.
https://whatpub.com/pubs/STA/1955/spot-gate-inn-spot-acre
And they sell Old Speckled Hen from the Westgate Brewery.
LikeLike
I’m glad you recognise this as a respectable blog, Mark (Prof Pie-Tin excepted).
LikeLike
Respectable? No, I just thought Shandy wasn’t allowed on this blog…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Steam town beers are good – glad you liked it.
…and it’s the only opportunity I’ll have to site in first class train seats…
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person